Everywhere

March 28th 2011.  The release date of Oberon.  What do I think of Oberon?  Duh.

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control."  Oh, Oberon...

Chop House/La Dolce Vita

I'm gonna tackle two drinks in one review!

The acquisition of a gift certificate and a crappy week led us (Becca and myself) to La Dolce Vita, which I learned is the dessert half of the Chop House.  It is as ostentatious as it appears.  We got there around 8:30, it was a Saturday night.  Bad choice #1.  The bar was full and the girl at the door said we could wait for seats to open up, so we did.  Very shortly after, a waitress approached us, followed quickly by the hostess (with the, fucking, mostest.  I'm SO serious.) who was overly concerned about how long we had to wait to sit down.  We only waited, like, ten minutes...take it easy lady.  We got a table!

Our waitress, Emily, didn't know we were sitting there for about ten more minutes.  She was very apologetic and adorable.  Forgiven.  I order a dirty martini and then change my mind because that's what I always order, I got the Chop House Classic Martini.  Becca ordered the drink I'll be addressing after this one, hush hush.

 

There it is.  Perfect and beautiful.  The word classic has never been more aptly applied.  It was the cleanest, most refreshing straight liquor I'd ever tasted.  The lemon spiral is classy (just look at it!), and it lent a faint aroma of citrus to the glass.  Yup, it was delicious.  And $10.  4 out of 5.

And now...The Bloody Gary.  Somehow it sounds far grosser than a Bloody Mary.  Why?  I can't quite put my finger on it.  This drink is genius, and I can't believe I've never heard the idea before.  A Bloody Mary...add beef stock!  What a perfect match!  Ok, maybe some people would be a little put off by beef stock in their drink.  But, whatever they do to make it (my guess is, strain it a thousand times)...it totally works, it's delicious.  La Dolce Vita has a pretty decent selection of olives, too!  Emily brought us an entire platter of olives and accoutrements to choose from, swank.  You can choose whatever olives you want to go in your drink.  The anchovy olives were great, but the blue cheese really stole the show.  There are so many other things that happened in this crazy place while we were there.  If  you see me at the bar, ask me about it.  I'll talk your ear off.  Bloody Gary, amazing.  5 out of 5.

Bells Two Hearted Ale

Oberon comes out tomorrow. Tomorrow! Which means that soon the ice will melt from my cold heart and the birds will sing and warmth will come again. And the sun, oh god! That sun--I totally understand why the Egyptians used to worship that shit.

Yes, it's been a long, cold, lonely winter (to borrow a phrase). But not without some bonuses. For instance, I discovered a deep love for another Bell's beer--Bell's Two Hearted Ale.

I usually have a hard time drinking more than one microbrew because they give me a headache and the next day I usually feel like a shit sandwhich (to borrow a completely disgusting phrase). Two Hearted is fucking delish. It's easy drinking and smooth as silk. Plus, at 7% alcohol volume, they can get you delightfully tipsy. Which is, of course, something you want when you've lived through seventy bazillion months without a ray of sunshine.

I enjoyed this beer in the comfort of my own home while playing online multi-player with Tim on Little Big Planet 2. The 7% alcohol led to me feeling waaaayyy too compassionately for my fellow LBP2 players but I guess that's not too terrible of a thing.

Webers

Michigan Red Berry Refresher

Ok!  Webers, the Habitat Ultralounge.  The name just oozes swank.  *on a completely unrelated note, it's St. Patricks Day and there are throngs of incredibly irritating drunk people on the loose.  just had to share, back to the review!*  All of my Habitat Ultralounge experiences have been pretty good.  This was a Tuesday night, and during the week they have "Live dancing entertainment with the areas best bands".  Oh boy!  It lived up to my expectations, without a doubt.  There was a two-piece ensemble performing.

Man - A Sting/Malcolm McDowell hybrid with a saxaphone, a keyboard, and a microphone.  Early 50s, probably.

Woman - Looked a little like Cheryl Tiegs, but not really.  Long, blonde hair with highlights for that sunkissed look, middle part.  Wearing a red, micro-mini, lycra dress with one long sleeve.  See photo for reference.  She didn't play any instruments, but she sang like an angel. 

They played a wide variety of sweet jams including Green Light by John Legend.  I can honestly say it was a truly unique interpretation.  Ok, alright.  Enough about the awesome Ultralounge.

Red Berry Ciroc (Ultra Premium Vodka), Dekuyper Cherry liqueur, and lemonade.  Served over ice with 2 straws and a maraschino cherry, stemmed.  To be fair, I had a pretty gross anchovie stuffed olive (do yourself a favor and just get the blue cheese olives instead, seriously) right before I ordered this.  It was super easy to drink and didn't taste like booze at all.  I don't have anything bad to say about it, really.  It could have been the atmosphere or it could have been the Ultra Premium vodka I was enjoying. 

"I own twenty cuckaroos." "Twenty-one sir." "I own twenty one cuckaroos."

So yeah.  The "areas best bands" are awesome and this foofy little cocktail was delightful.  I only rate it mediocre because it tasted like a million other things I've already tried.

2.5 out of 5

Seva

Margarita - Lime.  Rocks.  Salt.

Sour mix made from scratch has a huge impact on a margarita.  Does anyone actually like that syrupy swill that they sell at the store?  I haven't had many margaritas in my time as a drinker (they always seemed a bit...suburban?) and I've been fortunate enough to frequent establishments that mix their own.  I watched the bartender make it, so I know there was plenty of liquor in it, but I could barely taste it.  The sour mix was pulpy, which I loooooove.  It just a skosh too tart for my palate, but it didn't ruin the experience.  Plus, the tequila had a cute little plastic sombrero on it.  Bonus points! 

3.5 out of 5.  Donuts.

Arbor Brewing Company--Amstel Light

Me and Tim went on what turned into one of the drunker dates we've been in the last few months. For whatever reason we really enjoy Arbor Brewing Company for a drinky date despite the fact that we don't really care for their beer OR their food. Imagine that.

The staff is just so damn nice, though (bias alert: I have a few dear friends that work/have worked there) that it makes me over look the beer, concentrate on the food they do well--which is of course pub food like garlic fries (with real garlic all over 'em) and perogies (drowning in cheese and bacon, hell to the yes.) I love the big windows and again, a great deck in the summer time, with cute little picnic tables running up and down Washington.

Tim had the Sacred Cow I.P.A. He's a big Bell's Two Hearted Fan and was pretty disappointed with his Sacred Cow. I, on the other hand, played it ultra safe, ordering my good old diet stand by. Amstel Light.

BIG MISTAKE SHAY. Amstel Light, it's super easy drinking and doesn't even taste like a light beer (95 calories a pop. Half that of an ABC beer, I am sure) And with only 3.5% Alcohol volume what could possibly go wrong.

Well lets start with everything. Somehow after slamming a few of these, and having a Jameson (and apparently a friend's Jameson, too?) I ended up der-runk. Like, now is a good time to be honest about my sexual fantasies-drunk or I never told you this but when I was twelve I lied to my seventh grade class about getting drunk on rum because I thought it'd make me cool but really it just made me more of a loser-drunk. I totally have boozeria of the mouth. And the next day had me nursing a hangover that made me feel like God was punishing for my boozery.

I guess the lesson here is not to slam drinks, even if you think they're for pussies because they have the word light attached to them.

Amstel Light in general: 2.9 out of 5 martini glasses

In this case: -10 out of 5 martini glasses.

Seva

Manhattan - Straight up

I do not like bourbon.  I will occasionally partake of it's nefarious nectar, but it's never my first choice.  So!  This was my first Manhattan that wasn't served over ice in a lowball glass.  I definitely ogled the bartender, thinking that she was doing it all wrong.  Nope, she was right.  I just have no cocktail knowledge, which is precisely what qualifies me to review them!  Bourbon, sweet vermouth, bitters and a maraschino cherry.  What a delicious drink!  The flavor of the bourbon was rich and smooth, which I normally cannot appreciate because of the horrible burn that follows.  It was nice to be able to distinguish that it actually has a flavor to it.  Let's talk about the sweet, chewy cherry at the bottom of the glass.  It was sweet and chewy.  And, an indulgent way to round out the drink.

4 out of 5, but I'll still take a Jameson every other day of the week.  

At home with a PBR

It is, by no means, the perfect drink.  It's not even a very good one.  But sometimes...it just tastes so good.

Cafe Felix - Extra Dirty Gin Martini/10pm

Let me start by saying, I don't think I've ever had a bad martini.  The simplicity keeps it consistent.  Obviously, some are better than others and the grade of liquor involved has tidal waves of influence on the quality of the drink.   Or, so I thought...

Extra Dirty Gin Martini with Gorgonzola stuffed Olives: $10.00

At Cafe Felix, I did not specify a particular gin in my martini.  Their house gin varies, I'm told, and right now it's Five O'Clock brand gin (please note that a fifth of this liquor costs $7 to the general public).  I did ask for it extra dirty, so the olive juice did it's fair share.  I have to give the bartender credit for making a delicious martini out of rotgut liquor, but the cost difference is unforgivable!

The bleu cheese in the olives was great!  The super pungent flavor was a really nice complement to the martini.  My drink was remarkably smooth and easy on the palate.  Pretty classic.

Katy already touched on the atmosphere.  I'll leave it at that.  Our waitress was really nice and made an awesome last minute drink recommendation based on Katy's praise of the habanero vodka.  The Inferno.  Can't wait to try it!

Despite all my bitching about the reticent house gin, it was a great drink.  Well drinks are well drinks and if you don't choose your liquor, then you get what you get.

3.5 out of 5  

Cafe Felix Part One of Shay

So tonight is the inaugural night of this blog! Tonight Liz and I, for the very first time, enjoyed a cocktail together. Specifically, for the purposes of reviewing it for this blog. Which, I guess you probably all ready knew since you're here.

Regardless, Cafe Felix was destination number one as it is home to my favorite drink, Mary's Bloody Banshee, a vodka martini with a bloody mary like base and gorgonzola stuffed olives. Mmm. Makes my mouth water just thinking about it.

If you somehow don't know this about me, I live for salt. Seriously. My favorite flavor of bagel is salt, my favorite flavor of chip is salt, and my favorite seasoning? Yes, the motherfucking salt of the earth which is, of course, salt. The Mary's Bloody Banshee has a salt and pepper rim, which for my about to die of a heart attack ass, is totally heaven. And the menu was all, "Like it spicy? Order it with habanero vodka!"

Holy shit, the person who decided, "yeah lets make a bloody mary with habanero vodka," is in my book second to whoever came up with Absolut Pepper for a bloody mary. For Liz they're third. First being whoever thought of putting tequila in a bloody mary and calling it a bloody maria.

So the drink was great. Loaded with booze, which I've come to expect from a martini at Cafe Felix, but without that gross bloody mary feeling where you feel like you're drinking alcoholic soup.

I guess, the real down side was that it was at Cafe Felix. Certainly, the staff and the drinks were great. No doubt there. But Cafe Felix has this weird air to it. Like tonight nobody was in there but it still felt pretentious. As if previous customer's douche baggery clung to the walls. I can't really put my finger on it. The atmosphere is nice, it's cozy and warm but there's just something off about the place.

It may be that the music sounded like a broken-hearted college sophomore's itunes. On shuffle.

Or it may just be that I've been to that place like a bazillion times and so have all ready made my mind up about it. Whatever.

In conclusion, the cocktail was spot on. Exactly what I'm searching for. Savory and boozy and all around delectable. Liz's dirty gin martini was really good too (And I really dislike gin.) Felix has martini's half off on Monday which is awesome because those things will get you drunk! It's also a great place to go in the summer time. One of the best patios in town for watching and subsequently mocking some croc-wearing assholes.

Cocktail Rating: 4 out of 5 illustrations of the martini glass with the olive and toothpick in it.